2011 Championship write-up (of sorts!)
As another year accelerates past ... faster than Superman’s underpants ... the 2011 Darlington Tennis Club Championship takes it’s place in history and alcohol distorted memories ...
Social Kissing Virus
Naturally there are heaps of congratulations to express and acknowledgments to MENTION ... but most importantly I’m delighted to announce that the Social Kissing Virus which swept the club championships in 2010 is still rife! The SKV outbreak which is believed to have initially infected mixed doubles on Tuesday nights quickly spread to Wednesdays, the annual Championship and even the serious Mondays.
According to Professor Wilfred Aufrecht-Sauerkraut from WHO (the World Health Organisation), this particular strain of SKV is a highly infectious virus which concerns Mixed Doubles players.
But don’t breath a sigh of relief just yet. In a worrying twist WHO’s Willy has warned that “it is not unusual for such viruses to mutate into other strains – a process technically known as an ‘antigenic shift’”.
This potentially means Mens tennis and Ladies tennis could be much friendlier in future assuming the SKV mutation can maintain a firm grip ... and what’s more alarming is the fact that the virus may not even be limited to tennis clubs.
We must stress that at this stage the epidemic has not gone airbourne ... however, you will quickly know when it has ... when you shake hands and kiss the bloke at the Caltex garage.
So how does SKV spread?
While some may refute the theory, it is recognised that WHO’s Willy is an upstanding member who stands firm (on his research) ....
“We know outbreaks are definitely introduced into tennis clubs by ‘carriers’, although it is difficult to trace them and their movements”.
In a totally unrelated case, WHO’s Willy is reportedly following up a lead that another outbreak has occurred within the last six months ... this time it’s north of Melbourne. If the symptoms are recognised at an early stage, Carriers are easily treatable ... with therapy and a regular course of cold showers.
2011
A year on ... and while competitors were not exchanging clammy sweat and common colds at the net, we were watching some stunning tennis, enjoying coffee and chocolate biscuits for breakfast (university style), presidentially prepared sausage sizzles (on demand), alfresco heating, crazy paving, and most importantly the best bloody beer fridge in Darlington.
The final was unbelievably brilliant and breath taking ... amazing tennis entertainment for free! We could have sold tickets for $50 each (but we won’t tell the Treasurer). In the main event Dermott and Leon impressed the DTC faithful with faultless rallies which at times seemed to last a whole stubby!
Congratulations to:
Ladies doubles winners: Paula and Ali
Ladies doubles runners-up: Lorelle and Viv
Mens doubles winners: Dermott and Connor
Mens doubles runners-up: Zane and Simon
Mixed doubles winners: Zane and Kate
Mixed doubles runners-up: Terry and Alex
Mens singles winner: Leon
Mens singles runner-up: Dermott
Big thanks to the support staff and organisers on the day: Alex, Glen, Wayne, Richard and Paula.
Not so pretty
Mens doubles ... Zane and Simon squandered the home advantage losing out to in-form Conner and Dermott ... the subsequent loss post mortem has ruled out skill, forced errors, inconsistency and team work as the causes ... with the official result of the autopsy now identified as ‘Pink Shirts’. We checked out the history books, and were surprised (not) to see no team had ever won anything wearing Pink ... Man Utd, Real Madrid, Collingwood, The Lakers, Brazil, The Waratahs, McClaren Mercedes .... Guys, it’s time for a review ... No need to change your coaching staff, just your wardrobe! Or maybe we were witnessing an ‘antigenic shift’!
In other news ....
... the DTC did throw a few entries into this years Hills Grand Slam. And bugger me, it turns out there are a few Stars in our Tennis universe ... you just have to look really hard to spot them! At the final presentation, our very own Heather Smith won best female player, and the Double D’s (don’t ask) were a proud second place. Check out these impressive figures ... Heather Smith 31, Tony Middis 36, Doggy Atkinson 31 ... Now, we’re not quite sure what those figures represent to be honest ... age?, kilograms?, percentage?, sickies? faults? cakes? .... I’d better google it ... here we go ... ahhhh interesting .... seems it’s IQ! (Don’t shoot the messenger) ... You would have thought Stars would be brighter wouldn’t you.
Ladies - 4 of them!
Mens doubles champions, Conner and Dermott
Mixed doubles champs with mixed feelings?
Mens doubles runners-up ... who won a dog?
Mens Singles finalists, Dermott and Leon